> WELCOME

> WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

Brian

> WE ARE GLAD YOU HAVE ARRIVED, Brian

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Go back to sleep

> UNABLE TO COMPLETE REQUEST

> HERE, LET US HELP

1. Put on attire
2. Make sustenance
3. Relieve self
4. Watch television news

Breakfast

> YUM

> WHAT DO YOU WISH TO MAKE?

Oatmeal

> OATMEAL INTAKE SUCCESSFUL

> OATMEAL IS VERY HEALTHY

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Put on clothes

> WHAT TYPE OF ATTIRE DO YOU WISH TO WEAR?

Business clothes

> GOOD CHOICE, BUSINESSMAN

> BUSINESS CLOTHES SUCCESSFUL

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Go to work

> HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO GET TO WORK?

Walk

> SORRY, UNABLE TO COMPLETE REQUEST

> LET US HELP

1. Personal automobile
2. Public underground transportation
3. Commuter bus

Car

> GREAT

> PERSONAL AUTOMOBILE REQUEST SUCCESSFUL

> WORK ARRIVAL SUCCESSFUL

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Input data

> EXCELLENT

> DATA INPUT SUCCESSFUL

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Take smoke break

> UNABLE TO COMPLETE REQUEST

> YOU MUST WORK MORE FIRST

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Input data

> EXCELLENT

> FURTHER DATA INPUT SUCCESSFUL

> YOUR EMPLOYER HAS COMPLIMENTED YOU!

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Take smoke break

> UNABLE TO COMPLETE REQUEST

> HERE, LET US HELP

1. Thank employer
2. Compliment employer’s choice of tie
3. Inquire about employer’s stance re: sports team
4. Crack wise re: female co-worker

Compliment tie

> YOUR EMPLOYER HAS THANKED YOU

> YOUR EMPLOYER HAS MADE COMMENT RE: WIFE

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Laugh

> LAUGH SUCCESSFUL

> YOUR EMPLOYER HAS GIVEN YOU A RAISE!

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Take smoke break

> SMOKE BREAK SUCCESSFUL

>WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Go back to sleep

> UNABLE TO COMPLETE REQUEST

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Invite female co-worker to lunch

> UNABLE TO COMPLETE REQUEST

> HERE LET US HELP

1. Input data
2. Converse with male co-worker re: college
3. Shoot paper ball at trash can
4. Relieve self

Relieve self

> RELIEF SUCCESSFUL

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Input data

> FURTHER DATA INPUT SUCCESSFUL

> YOUR DATA INPUT APPARATUS HAS STALLED!

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Pretend to input data

> FALSE DATA INPUT SUCCESSFUL

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Talk to male co-worker

> CONVERSATION SUCCESSFUL

> YOUR MALE CO-WORKER HAS GIVEN YOU NOSTALGIA!

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Cry

> UNABLE TO COMPLETE REQUEST

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

High-five male co-worker

> SLAPPED HANDS SUCCESSFUL

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Go home

> HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO RETURN HOME?

Memories

> UNABLE TO COMPLETE REQUEST

> HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO RETURN HOME?

Car

> PERSONAL AUTOMOBILE REQUEST SUCCESSFUL

> RETURN HOME SUCCESSFUL

> WELCOME HOME, Brian!

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Watch television news

> WATCHING TELEVISION REQUIRES A BEVERAGE

> WHAT BEVERAGE WOULD YOU LIKE?

Ice water

> SORRY, UNABLE TO COMPLETE REQUEST

> HERE, LET US HELP

1. Fermented ale
2. Rye whiskey
3. Vodka martini
4. Light fermented ale

Beer

> BEVERAGE INTAKE SUCCESSFUL

> TELEVISUAL ENJOYMENT SUCCESSFUL

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Kiss wife

> UNABLE TO COMPLETE REQUEST

Kiss children

> UNABLE TO COMPLETE REQUEST

Call mother and father

> SORRY, UNABLE TO COMPLETE REQUEST

> LET US HELP

1. Watch sports
2. Pleasure self
3. Debate strangers on Internet re: female physical attributes
4. Eat baked corn snacks

Pleasure self

> GREAT

> PLEASURE SUCCESSFUL

> YOUR ENERGY HAS DECREASED!

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Go back to sleep

> SLEEP REQUEST SUCCESSFUL

> WOULD YOU LIKE TO CONTINUE PROGRAM?

No

> UNABLE TO COMPLETE REQUEST

No

> SORRY, UNABLE TO COMPLETE REQUEST

> LET US HELP

1. Yes
2. Yes, tomorrow

Tomorrow

> TERRIFIC

> SEE YOU TOMORROW, Brian

>

> WELCOME, Brian

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Delete program

> UNABLE TO COMPLETE REQUEST

End program

> SORRY, UNABLE TO COMPLETE REQUEST

> LET US HELP

1. Put on attire
2. Make sustenance
3. Relieve self
4. Watch television news

Watch TV

> TELEVISUAL ENJOYMENT SUCCESSFUL

> YOU HAVE LEARNED WEATHER!

> YOU HAVE LEARNED TRAFFIC!

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Go to work

> TO GO TO WORK YOU MUST PUT ON ATTIRE

Pants

> PANTS SUCCESSFUL

Clothes

> ATTIRE PLACEMENT SUCCESSFUL IN TOTALITY

> ARRIVAL AT WORK SUCCESSFUL

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Leave

> UNABLE TO COMPLETE REQUEST

Go home

> UNABLE TO COMPLETE REQUEST

> HERE, LET US HELP

1. Input data
2. Relieve self
3. Converse with female co-worker re: weekend plans
4. Converse with male co-worker re: weather

Talk to female co-worker

> CONVERSATION SUCCESSFUL

> YOUR FEMALE CO-WORKER HAS NO WEEKEND PLANS

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Input data

> UNABLE TO COMPLETE REQUEST

Talk to male co-worker

> UNABLE TO COMPLETE REQUEST

> HERE, LET US HELP

1. Invite female co-worker to dinner
2. Touch female co-worker on shoulder
3. Crack wise re: female co-worker’s appearance

Invite her to dinner

> DINNER REQUEST SUCCESSFUL

> YOUR FEMALE CO-WORKER HAS DENIED YOUR INVITATION!

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Input data

> DATA INPUT SUCCESSFUL

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Take smoke break

> SMOKE BREAK SUCCESSFUL

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Step onto busy highway

> UNABLE TO COMPLETE REQUEST

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Input data

> FURTHER DATA INPUT SUCCESSFUL

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Go home

> WOULD YOU LIKE TO RETURN HOME IN YOUR AUTOMOBILE?

Yes

> RETURN HOME SUCCESSFUL

> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

Go to sleep

> SLEEP SUCCESSFUL

> WOULD YOU LIKE TO CONTINUE PROGRAM?

Tomorrow

> TERRIFIC

> SEE YOU TOMORROW, Brian

>

—Brad Efford